Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone.
Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again.
It can be described as an emptiness, like someone or something that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings altogether, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.
im so sorry ive not been this bad in ages ive hurt myself again for the first time in like 10 months im so sorry im just so sad and so lonely and for a while i thought i was okay buy im not i cant do this its so difficult everything was going well and now its just not and im sorry i dont want to be me any more i just cant

Have a selfie of me in one of my favourite shirts